


Daffodil

by orphan_account



Category: Linkin Park
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2020-12-17 06:50:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21050111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I yearn for that comforting embrace, that tender affection. It pulls on my soul, and weighs down upon my shoulders. Yet all I ever do is sit and wait.





	1. Prologue

_Where did it go?_ I zip open my old backpack, and sift through the folders. _Nothing out of the ordinary there._ _Did I put it in my binder? _I dug out my blue binder, its edges worn down, having been in use for quite a few years. Opening it up, I flip through the loose leaf sheets of paper. _Not there either… maybe I left it on the kitchen counter. _Glancing over at the clock, the numbers 6:00 AM glare at me, reminding that I need to hurry up. Quickly shoving my binder back in my backpack, I run out of my bedroom door and thump down the stairs, ignoring the dull ache in my side.

Stepping into the kitchen, I look around. The room is rather small, and other than the necessary cooking utensils, there’s little in the decoration department. The only thing that stood out was a family picture on the wall.  _ Don’t look at that.  _ I focus on the small four person dining table, yet the only things there was a pile of unopened mail and a multitude of beer bottles.  _ Figures he’d leave them out.  _ Bottles in hand, I shuffle over to the recycle bin and drop them in, the bottles clanking loudly. I ignore the loud noise.  _ Looks like it’s not here either. _ Breathing in deeply, I creep out of the kitchen, and head to the living room.

The faint sound of static from the TV rings in my ears. As I enter the room, my eyes land on a passed out figure sprawled out on the couch. Immediately my chest tightens and the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. The man adorned a rather old sage green T-shirt, multiple stains littering the fabric. His facial hair was not yet long enough to count as a beard, yet too obvious to ignore. His brown hair was dishevelled, and his forehead had pronounced frown lines. Behind his lopsided glasses, were a pair of closed eyes. Shifting my gaze to the coffee table next to him, I spot the piece of paper I have desperately been searching for.  _ Finally! I was wondering where it went!  _ I tiptoe passed the couch, trying to keep my steps silent. I reach and grab a half empty bottle of gin, picking it up off the piece of paper it sat on. I set it down gently, and swipe the paper off of the table.

“Is that you, Chester?” a deep voice grumbles. My throat closes up, and slowly I lift my head up to once again stare at the man on the couch. He’s in the exact same position and his eyes are still closed. 

I gulp, attempting to eliminate the frog stuck in my throat. “Oh. Hi dad. Yea, It’s me.” I state.

His eyes flit open, staring straight at me. He pushes himself up, and slowly adjusts to a sitting position. As he rubs his eyes, I can’t help but focus on a small mark on the back of his right hand. It’s a small star with nine points, drawn in thick black ink. I think about my own soulmark, which resided on my inner left thigh. It was a simple leaf in a triangle, drawn in elegant ink. It too, was in black, for neither of us had met our soulmate.  _ Don’t worry about it. You won’t end up like him, you’ll be able to find your soulmate.  _

“ _ God _ , I have a headache.” He whines, his lips pursed. “You sure were loud this morning. What were you even doing?”

“Sorry, I was trying to find my school schedule.” I mumble, looking back down at the piece of paper in my clenched fists. ‘2019-2020 School Schedule’ in big printed letters are on the top of the page.  _ I shouldn’t stay near him for too long. I should get going.  _

I can feel his beady eyes boring into me, and my feet feel like lead. “Oh, that’s right. School starts today, I had forgotten. Can’t believe you’re a sophomore already.”

My shoulders slump in disappointment. “It’s my senior year, remember?”

“Right. Of course.” He heaves a big sigh, his eyebrows furrowed in guilt. I force myself to shift my feet away from the table, and trudge my way out the living room. A soft clinking stops me in my tracks. Peering behind my shoulder, I watch as my father takes the half empty bottle of gin, and pours a rather excessive amount into a glass. His sad gaze latches onto me, and I can see his brown eyes flash in anger. Abruptly, he stands up, glass still in hand as he stalks towards me. My breath hitches as my body tenses up. “Jesus, Chester! Can you stop fucking  _ judging  _ me for once?!” 

His hand reaches out and roughly grabs my shoulder, his fingers digging into my skin. I stumble backwards as he shoves me to the side and stomps passed me. I wait as he marches up the stairs, holding my breath until I hear the loud slam of his bedroom door. I stand there, tears pricking my eyes, for a short while until the light of dawn shines through the sheer curtains, reminding me of the time.  _ I should get going.  _ Leaving the living room, I pass the kitchen, not even bothering to eat breakfast and yank open the front door. 

Looking to my left, I see empty flower beds, filled only with dead leaves. Peeking out from under the pile is a yellow and green label that had been stuck in the ground for god knows how long. In small letters it states ‘Yellow Daffodil’. There once was a large variety of flowers in full bloom, thriving in those flower beds.  _ Don’t think about that.  _

As I stare at the piles of dead leaves, I can’t help but think back to my soulmark whilst feeling completely, and utterly alone.

**AN: Wow! I can't believe that I'm actually writing a fanfiction! The only other time I wrote one was over 6 years ago! Anyways, I hope that this is somewhat well-done. I know it's short, and it seems as if it has not gone anywhere, but I hope you stick around despite that!** **Please feel free to leave me some feedback, Lord knows I need it.**

**Until next time!**


	2. Responsible

“Mike.” A soothing voice whispered. “Mike, hunny. You need to get up.” A small hand gently squeezed my shoulder, and gave it a little shake.  _ It’s so early…  _ The warmth of my covers felt like a hug, making me curl up and burrow my head into my soft pillow. “Mike seriously, school starts today.” The voice exasperated, obviously having lost it’s patience. The nice cozy warmth of the covers was stripped away, and the blast of cold sent a shiver down my spine, my eyes popping open. Flopping onto my back, I spread my arms and legs out like a starfish, my blurry vision focusing on the captor of the voice. Brown hair was tied up in a bun, but you could see grey streaks strewn throughout. The crows feet next to her soft hazel eyes became more pronounced as thin lips spread into a wide smile. “Rise and shine!”

“ _ God, _ why must school start so early.” I groaned, rubbing my eyes. I shift my gaze to the left to get a good look out the window. “Like seriously, it’s still dark outside!”

“I don’t know, hun. Now listen to your mother and get your butt out of bed! We have breakfast ready on the table, scrambled eggs with toast! Your backpack is already packed, correct?”

“Yea, it’s packed.” I sat up and glanced at the clock. “6:15!? Shoot, I wanted to get to school early!”

“Well, next time you should set your alarm!” My mother replied, walking towards the door. “And don’t be so worried, your new school is literally across the street.” I watched as she left my room, closing the door on her way out. I stood up on the carpet and stretched out my arms and back, feeling relief as my joints cracked. I swiped my phone from off my nightstand to check for any unread messages. I could feel my lips twitch up as I noticed I had a message from Anna. Quickly I opened it up.

Anna: Your first day of school starts today, right? You better let me know how it is, or else I’ll come down there and make you say it! And good luck!!!  _ Sent at 4:37 AM _

I let out a soft sigh, and just smiled at the message.  _ She always checks in on me. I really miss her. _

Mike: Yea, yea, I’ll let u know how it goes! And u are going to walk to a whole other state just to interrogate me? How daring!  _ Sent at 6:21 AM _

Shutting the phone off, I navigate my way past a few cardboard boxes till I reached my mahogany dresser, and started digging through my clothes. Slipping out of my sleepwear, I pull on a new pair of boxers and some loose fitting black jeans. Before pulling my white T-shirt over my head, I glance down at my soulmark, which rested on my side, just above my hip bone. I loved the way it looked- the simple triangle, yet elegant leaf inside.  _ I can’t wait to meet my soulmate. I just know that she’ll be a lovely girl. I wonder if she’ll like art. Or maybe she’s more science oriented! _ My chest felt warm and fuzzy thinking about it.  _ Focus, Mike. you have school today! _ Finally putting on my shirt and some socks, I walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom down the hall to finish getting ready.

With teeth brushed, my black hair spiked up, and my phone in my pocket, I was ready for breakfast. As I crept down the stairs, the smell of scrambled eggs permeated the air. My stomach panged with hunger as I walked into the large kitchen.The whole house looked rather modern, with high ceilings and a monotone color scheme. The countertops were a clean white granite, not even a crumb could be seen. Opening the rather expensive fridge, I pulled out a carton of milk and poured myself a glass. Connected to the kitchen was the dining room, where a 6 person table sat. My father and mother were both sitting at the table, waiting for me to arrive. My father was a stringent man, but he was well intentioned. He wore a white dress shirt, and a simple blue and gray striped tie. He was a bit short, and had gained weight and with age. His gold rimmed glasses reflected from the lighted hanging down from the ceiling, and I could see his eye twitch a little at the sight of me. I sat down, ready to dig into my delicious breakfast, ignoring my fathers stare.

“Mike, your senior year starts today, don’t you want to look a little more… presentable?” My father inquired, eyeballing my spiked up hair.  _ I swear we had this talk last year. I wonder what he’d do if I dyed it... _

“Yea I know. That’s why I’m going to start spiking my hair again!” I gave him a cheeky smile as I took my first bite. I watched as my father opened his mouth to reply before my mother interrupted him.

“Oh relax, Muto. He’s just trying to dress cool.”  _ Thanks mom. _

My father let out a humph, and switched the topic. He always turned soft around my mother. “Mike, have you finished unpacking the last of your boxes?” I held my breath.

“No.” I mumbled, staring at my half eaten plate of food. “They’re really small boxes anyways. Just some old books and stuff. No biggie.”

He raised his eyebrows. “If it’s such a miniscule task, then it should have been completed already.”

“What would your soulmate say?” My mother piped in. “Your soulmate is going to be a nice lovely girl, you’re gonna want to stay on top of your chores for her! Your father gets all his responsibilities done right away, don’t you hun?” She peered over at him, a smile on her face.

“Course I do. I’m no slob.” My father bluntly stated. Despite his grouchy face, you could see his cheeks heat up just the slightest bit.  _ I hope my love life turns out as well as theirs _

“I’ll unpack when I get back from school. I’m going to head out now, I want to get to my class early.” I pick up my plate and rinse it off in the sink, before heading back into the kitchen to give my mother a hug. “I’ll see you when I get back from school. Dad, when will you be home?”

“6:00. You better have all your chores and homework done when I get back.” He uttered, taking a sip of water. “Be responsible at school.”

“Right. I will.” I speed walked my way out the kitchen and to the front door, where my sneakers and backpack sat. As I tied my shoelaces, I couldn’t help but think about what the new school would be like.  _ This place is a little different, there’s more people here. The neighborhood is different too. This may be a really nice part of town, but I heard that just a mile west the neighborhood would get a little sketchy. Then again, my dads version of sketchy is probably off. _ With my shoes tied, I picked up my backpack off the floor and walked out the door. The front porch was well kept, but there wasn’t much outside in terms of furniture. In front of the porch was a multitude of flowers strewn across the flower bed, and in the grass was a large oak tree.  _ The outside of the house seems a little more homely, at least. I’m not a fan of the modern look we have on the inside. _

As I made my way down the steps, I could see the schools parking lot from across the street. It was already starting to fill up with students, despite the fact that it was still fairly early.  _ I wonder if I’ll meet my soulmate at this school! _ By the time I reached the front doors, I could see that it was bigger than my previous schools. The grass in front of the school was partially dead, and only a few large windows could be seen near the front entrance. The building was made of bricks, and while it was only two stories high, it was still large. The heavy white doors had windows, and I could see that quite a few students were inside, crowding in the front entrance. Although the hallway was large, it was difficult to get through the bulk of people, and I had to shove my way past a couple students. Oddly enough, by the time I got passed the crowd, the large hallway ahead was fairly empty.  _ Why do people always choose to crowd around in one spot? In front of the entrance too. _

I pulled out my phone from my back pocket and searched for the photos of my locker combination, location, and schedule.  _ Let's see… I should start with my locker first. It says number 654, so it’d probably be further in. _ As I trekked down the large main hallway, I passed a multitude of gray lockers, classrooms, and even more hallways. By the time I neared a staircase, I had finally reached lockers ranging in the 600’s.  _ 652, 653, finally! Why does it have to be the bottom locker? Oh well… _ I crouched down onto the tiled floor and quickly put my combo into the built in lock. After I jiggled the latch, I felt a small twinge of satisfaction when the locker opened fairly easily.  _ Nice. They usually get stuck on the first few attempts. _ After depositing a few extra notebooks and supplies, I shut the locker and glanced at my schedule.

_ Looks like my first class is english with Mrs. Johnson. Room B217. Where the fuck is that?! I’m guessing it’s in the B hallway, so I’ll look for that. _ I looked around, my eyes spotting the nearest corridor diverging from the main hall. Above the entrance was a big metal ‘F’.  _ Guess it’s back near the main entrance. _ As I headed back down the large main hallway, I passed other similar halls.  _ There goes the D and C hall. It must be the next one! _ Finally, I had reached the B hall.

Swerving into the small corridor, I searched for the numbers 217.  _ 103, 104, 105… _ The further I went, the more I could feel my anxiety pick up.  _ 117, 118…None of these say 217. Why are they all in the 100’s? Where the fuck is my classroom? I really don’t want to be late. _ I stopped in the middle of the hallway, scratching the back of my head. A few students were making their way to their own classrooms.  _ The warning bell hasn’t rung yet, I should be fine. Those students are just getting to class early as well. It’ll be fine. _ I quickly turned around, heading back to the main hall with all the lockers. I spotted a short boy closing his locker, and slinging his red backpack over his shoulder.  _ Guess I’ll ask him. _ Taking a deep breath, I shuffled over to the boy and tapped his shoulder. He peered over his shoulder, eyebrows raised, and a deadpan expression on his tanned face.

_ Oh shoot he seems kind of grumpy. Oh well, here goes nothing… _ “Hi, sorry. I’m a little lost, and I was wondering if you knew your way around or something…” I could feel my heart squeeze with nerves as I awaited for his reply.

His deadpan expression melted away, before amusement glimmered in his black eyes. “You do look kind of lost.” He stated, turning to face me fully. Right on his cheek sat a small, but noticeable shape, somewhat similar to a celtic knot.  _ Oh wow his soulmark! Not only that, but it’s golden in color! That Means he’s met his soulmate! _ “But yea, I know my way around. Where do you need to go?”

I was snapped out of my thoughts as relief washed over me.  _ Jesus, I really need to focus. _ “I’m trying to find B217, but it wasn’t anywhere in the B hall. I swear I looked up and down the whole thing!” I pointed over to the hall that I had walked out of, as the boys lips twitched up as he tried to mask a snort.

“No kidding, B217? That’s my first class too.” My eyes widened in surprise.  _ No way _ . “But why were you looking on the first floor? It starts with a 2 for a reason.”

_ Holy shit I’m dumb. _ “I guess I forgot about that particular aspect.”

“C’mon, one of the staircases is this way.” The pudgy boy pointed behind his back with his thumb, before turning around to lead the way. “So what’s your name? I’m Joe.”

“Oh, I’m Mike. I just moved here over the summer.”

“Oh, nice.” We made our way up the stairs, passing a ‘Welcome back to school’ poster. The second floor was just like the first, hundreds of lockers and tiled floors. “This is a good place to move to. You live close to the school?”

“Yea, actually! I’m literally right across the street.”

“Ooh, you live in one of the really nice houses! I hear the people who live in those houses are snobs.” Joe teased, turning into the upstairs B hall.

I could feel a blush form on my cheeks. “Yea, it’s a nice house. I promise I’m not a snob!”  _ At least I hope not. Also, that was kind of a dick statement. I should probably ignore it. _ “Where do you live?”

“Across the street.”

_ Wait, what? _ “So you’re calling yourself a snob?”

“Yup.” Joe stated bluntly.  _ He’s got an odd sense of humor _ “I’m not kidding. I live in the big yellow house with the crabapple trees. I was just pullin’ your leg with the snob comment. You don’t seem like one.” Joe stopped in front of a classroom door. “Well, here we are! I think Rob is in here already. You can sit with us.”

_ I’m not sure who Rob is but he’ll probably be cool! _ Joe opened the door to reveal a small, but nice classroom. The desks were bunched into groups of fours, and posters of Shakespeare quotes were hung upon the wall. He could see a few kids were sitting at their tables. One with fairly short, but obviously curly hair sat alone in the back, a couple girls sat in their own group, and Joe walked towards the final person, a tall boy with medium sized brown hair.  _ I’m assuming that’s Rob _ . As I followed Joe, I caught a glimpse of the teacher, a short and plump lady with a large amount of gaudy jewelry and a deep red dress, who sat patiently in her chair.

I pulled out a blue seat a flopped down, setting my backpack to the side. I rummaged through its contents, and pulled out a yellow notebook and mechanical pencil, just as the warning bell rang.

“So, Mike,” Joe stated, grabbing my attention. “This is Rob. Rob, this is Mike, he’s new here.” Rob peered over at me and gave a small smile.

“Nice to meet you.” Rob mumbled, his voice deep but quiet.  _ He seems kind of shy. _ Rob gave me a small wave, and my eyes immediately zoomed in on his wrist. It was the exact same mark that Joe had on his face.

_ Oh. Joe’s soulmate is a boy. _ I couldn’t help but stare at Rob, who started to shift uncomfortably in his seat.  _ How are they not uncomfortable with each other? It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I’m not even the one with a samesex soulmate. _ I realized I was still staring at Rob, and probably making him uncomfortable.  _ It might make me a little uncomfortable, but I don’t need them to know that. I’m sure they’re still cool anyways. _

I regained my posture, and finally replied. “Sorry! I spaced out there. It’s nice to meet you too.” I watched as Rob sagged in relief. “I noticed that you guys are soulmates! How did you meet?”  _ Two guys being together isn’t even that big of a deal. Remember Mike, it’s 2019. I need to be more open. It’s not like I’ll have a male soulmate. I’m totally straight _ .

Joe cracked a big smile, and reached over to grab Robs hand. “Well, it was freshman year, and we both had the same biology class. It was the first day of class, and I was just minding my own business waiting for it to start. That’s when this dork,” Joe paused to ruffle Robs hair, who gave a small shout in protest. “This dork decided to scare the daylights out of me by literally  _ grabbing my face _ to stare at my soulmark.”

“I needed to get a better look!” Rob objected, a blush dusting his pale cheeks.

“Yea, well I almost fell out of my chair.”

“Your being dramatic.” Rob looked back at me. “But it’s true. I don’t know why, but I just went up and grabbed his face. Imagine my surprise when his soulmark turned golden! I was filled with joy!”

Joe interrupted Rob. “By joy he means shoving his own soulmark into my face. Not gonna lie though, I was freaking out when I saw he had the same mark as me.”

_ Is it bad that this is making me uncomfortable? _ “Did you feel anything when your soulmark changed color?” I couldn’t help but ask, even though I had asked my parents and countless others before.

“No, not physically. We were too focused on not screaming to notice anything like that.” Joe replied.  _ I don’t know why I ask that, you’re not supposed to feel anything when you touch your soulmate for the first time. _

Joe and Rob slowly shifted the conversation so that it was just the two of them, speaking quietly to each other. I watched as students hustled in through the door, finding seats and old friends. I glance up at the clock.  _ 7:08, huh? Class starts in two minutes. _

The classroom door creaked open, as another student shuffled their way into the room. I felt my heart speed up as I stared into the most beautiful pair of eyes I had ever seen. They were a deep, dark, chocolate brown. So dark in fact, that they could almost pass for black. Yet the way the light reflected off the orbs made them shine like gemstones.  _ I’m not sure what it is, but those eyes are strikingly beautiful… _ I shifted my gaze so I could get a good look at the rest of the person, only to find out that those eyes belonged to  _ a male _ .

_ What the fuck, that was weird. He may have pretty eyes like a girl, but the rest of him is most certainly male. _ The boy had pale, clear skin, a fairly large, yet elegant nose, and a well defined jaw. He had thin yet shapely brown eyebrows, and his hair was dyed blonde, the soft curls going every which way. He even had a shiny lip ring. He was average height, but you could tell he had a slim build. His clothing choice was a tad odd. Although it was August, it was still warm out, yet the boy was wearing a large black hoodie in which he seemed to drown in. His pants were a size too large, and didn’t fit quite right, and the sneakers upon his feet were rather dirty and worn. The boys eyes scanned the classroom, before landing on a seat next to the boy who was sitting alone in the back when he and Joe had arrived. He shuffled over and took a seat next to the curly haired boy, the two of them smiling at eachother.  _ I guess they’re friends. _

The final bell rang, signalling the beginning of class. I moved my attention to Mrs. Johnson, and waited to receive her instructions. As much as I tried to focus, I couldn’t seem to get those eyes out of my head.

I felt my throat close up and my hands clench, my chest tightening in disgust. Because no matter how gorgeous those eyes were, they were the eyes of a man.  _ And I’m not going to let myself ogle a man. I won’t shit on other people for liking the same sex, but that doesn’t make it any less weird and gross. Dad said to be responsible at school, and that is just what I’ll be. _

_ A good, responsible, straight son. _

  
  
  


**Sorry that it took so long for me to get this chapter out! College got really busy all of a sudden. I tried to make this chapter a lot longer, since the last one was super short. I hope it doesn’t seem too rushed! I’m also a little worried I ended it abruptly. Oh well lol.**

**anyways, hopefully I’ll see you guys around in the next chapter! P.S. thanks for the reviews! Ya’ll are so nice!**


	3. Tired

School always gave me mixed feelings.

Ever since I was a kid, I’d always loved school. I absolutely adored being around people, and school was full of social interactions. I’d always been a bit of a social butterfly, and school allowed me to be just that. Elementary school consisted of high fiving in the hallways, or passing silly notes in class, I loved being around my peers. I would talk to them, and they would talk to me. School filled me with joy.

Yet as Middle school arrived, my love for school had started to dwindle. I loved to be around people, yet many no longer loved to be around me. What was once talking among friends, turned into awkward stares and shut mouths. What was once high fiving in the hallways became small shoves, while the silly notes became rude jabs at one another. I would talk to my peers, and they would walk on by. School was tiring. Kids would form their cliques, and those who had no group to turn to were alienated, prodded and judged. I found myself with only a few friends. It was enough to keep me safe from most physical harm, yet the stares and whispers were always present.

As High school arrived, the focus on sociality and fitting in would shift. No longer did most care about who the laughing stock of the school was. For they were all focused on grades, and what college to apply to. There was no time to pass rude notes, or shove the awkward kid in the hallway. All anyone thought about was whether or not they were good enough. Whether or not they worked hard enough. Whether they should just give up or not. The hate would shift from your peers, and onto yourself.

And I wasn’t sure if that was better or worse. You would dread it either way.

Yet, as I arrived at my first class of the day, I found myself relieved. It was my senior year, and although school was mostly stressful, it was familiar and gave structure. Taking in a deep breath, I readied myself for my english class and pushed the door open. My eyes were greeted with the sight of about 30 kids all sitting in front of clunky wooden desks, chatting amongst themselves. I could hear whispers of people talking about their shitty schedule, or worrying over the fact that they got one of the strict teachers. As I scanned the classroom, I notice that my gaze couldn’t help but gravitate towards a boy sitting near the front of the classroom. He had smooth tan skin, and seemingly soft plump lips. A simple white T-shirt adorned his broad shoulders, and his slightly baggy black jeans hung low on his waist. His red high top shoes were obviously expensive, as I’m sure the rest of his clothes were, yet they were in good taste. His hair was spiked with gel, yet it still seemed rather soft. His ebony, almond eyes were staring at me, yet I couldn’t discern the emotion behind them.

_ Either way, he’s hella’ cute. _

Not wanting to be caught standing in the doorway for too long, I quickly looked for a seat in the classroom, feeling my lips quirk upwards when I saw an empty one next to a familiar face. _ I didn’t know Brad was in this class! _ I quickly stalked over and grabbed the seat, excited to see my best friend in the same class as me. He peered over, his brown eyes lighting up as he saw my face. 

“Chester, I didn’t know you would be in this class! What’s up, man?” Brad replied, tapping his mechanical pencil on his notebook. The other two students sitting in the group gave small awkward waves in my direction before turning their attention to their phones. 

“I guess I lucked out. I haven't seen you since the end of junior year, I missed you!” Before I could continue talking, the overhead bell rang, signalling the beginning of class. I gave Brad another smile before I dug into my backpack to pull out the necessary school supplies. I shifted my attention to the teacher, who was writing her name upon the board. 

“Welcome back from summer break, I’m sure you are all as excited as I am to be here!” The teacher joked, earning a few snickers from the class. Her ruby red lips curved upwards at the response. “As you can see on the board, I’m Ms. Markel, but you can call me Ms. M if you want. Today is a pretty easy day, we’ll just be going through the syllabus and talking about your senior capstone project to get started. If there’s time afterwards we can go around the classroom and do some icebreakers.” 

I felt the energy from before drain out of my body as I watched Ms. Markel pick up a huge stack of what I could only assume to be the syllabus, her large golden earrings jangling about as she pranced across the room. As she set the large packet in front of me, I suddenly felt twice as tired as I was before. To my left, I could see Brad mouth the words ‘You good?’ in my direction. I gave him a quick nod. It wasn’t long before I began to space out, Ms. Markels rather loud voice fading away. I couldn’t help but focus on the dull ache in my shoulder, rubbing it slowly.

_ I didn’t realize dad had shoved me that hard. It’s probably going to bruise…  _

My father's face appeared in my mind, a large smile showing off his perfect teeth. I could still remember when he had a clean shaven face and wore business suits. When he would still pat me on the back and tell me he was proud of me. When he still had bright eyes. And as his face changed to the present, I suddenly felt old. The change from who he used to be, to what he is now was so drastic, it seemed as if he were decades older. It was hard to comprehend that such a happy man had become nothing but a sad shell of himself.

Time seemed to slow down when I was around him now, seemed as if no matter how much I wanted the day to be over, the end would never come as long as I was in that house with him. His change had happened so quickly, nor was it from too long ago, yet despite that, I’d become so used to it that it almost felt like it’d always been this way. Like I’d always felt so tired, always aching. And it feels like forever had passed, since I started to feel this way. The constant weight of it all just made me feel so,  _ so _ , tired, to the point that I felt old. 

I couldn’t tell when I had become just as old and tired as my father.

A gentle tap on my shoulder snapped me back to reality and I looked to see Brad peering at me curiously. “Jeez, Ches. You were hardcore spacin’ out for the whole class by the looks of it! We have about ten minutes of class left, so we are gonna play an icebreaker game.” I looked at the teacher who was holding a ball, with writing across its surface. 

“Wait, did she already explain the rules of the game?” I asked, confused as to what we were doing.

Brad gave a small sigh. “Man, I guess you really weren’t paying attention. The class will just pass the ball around, and once someone passes it to you, you introduce yourself. Then you answer whichever question is on the ball that’s facing you. After that you toss it to someone else.”

“Oh okay, that’s pretty simple. What happened the rest of class?”

Brad gave a small snort as he tried to hold in his laughter. “Dude at this rate you’re gonna be going home from school and not even have a clue as to what happened during the whole goddamn school day.” Brad stood up, and brushed imaginary dirt off his denim jacket. “Now c’mon, let’s get in a circle with the rest of the class before the teacher yells at us.”

I slowly got out of my seat and dragged myself towards the large circle students were forming along the walls of the classroom. I watched as the teacher threw the ball to someone random kid and the game began. It was simple, but still amusing. As the ball finally found its way to me, I felt a twinge of anxiety in my stomach and chest. 

“Uh, I’m Chester.” I peered down at the pink ball, cursive letters strewn across the surface. “It’s asking my favorite movie, which is probably…” I stop to think for a moment. “The Princess Bride. That movie’s hella’ good!” I proclaimed the last part loudly, before I gazed at my peers faces to pick out my icebreaker victim. My eyes landed on the cute boy from before, who was looking rather bored. I felt myself smirk as I tossed the ball right in his direction. His black eyes lit up in surprise as he looked at who it was who threw him the ball, before he quickly shifted back to his bored expression. “My name’s Mike, and it’s asking what my favorite fruit is. Which is probably strawberries, I guess?” He gave a shrug and tossed the ball to some other kid. For some reason, the knowledge that he liked strawberries gave me a small amount of joy. _ I want to learn more about him. Is that weird? That’s probably weird. _

The bell rang, signalling the end of class and students immediately started booking it out the classroom door. I quickly grabbed my backpack, and looked to Brad who was already ready to go. “I looked at the rest of your schedule while you were spacing out earlier.” He stated as I zipped up my bag. “We don’t share any other classes, but we [i]do[/i] share the same lunch period! So I’ll meet you by the cafeteria entrance, okay?” Brad gave me a soft smile, before he headed for the door. “I gotta go to Calculus, so I’ll see you later!” I was sad to see him go, but glad we would at least we see each other during lunch. Brad was honestly my lifesaver. He stayed by my side in middle school, even when my older friends had become distant. He was there for me when I was called names, and there for me when I was stressed over finals. I shook my head and snapped out of my day dream.  _ I can’t be late for anatomy, I should get going. _

I started rushing towards the door, but was stopped short when I bumped into someone. I sharply looked to the side, locking eyes with none other than the cute boy, Mike.

“Oh, sorry!” He apologized, laughing a bit. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“You’re fine, I wasn’t payin’ attention either.”

We stood awkwardly for a moment, before he said ‘bye’ and waltzed out the door. I quickly walked out as well, and looked at my schedule to see where my anatomy class would be held.

The entire class I could still feel my heart beating, Mike stuck in my head.

* * *

By the time lunch had rolled around, I had successfully spaced out during my other classes. Even during gym I hadn’t paid attention. Luckily we didn’t need to change into our gym clothes for the day, since we’d only gone over the rules.  _ Next time I can’t forget to bring gym clothes… _

Walking up to the cafeteria entrance, I quickly spotted Brad leaning on the brick wall, who gave a small wave and a smirk once he recognized me. “Hey dude.” He commented, before lifting himself up and lazily walking into the cafeteria. “Let’s go find a seat at one of the tables!”

The cafeteria itself was quite large, and all of the chatter in the room echoed off the walls. There were long, gray, bench-like tables, splatters of food and old lunch trays littered it’s surface from the previous lunch crowd. We quickly made a beeline for the closest clean spot, and each took a seat. I watched as Brad pulled out a lunch box across from, and I realized I hadn’t brought a lunch.  _ Woops. Guess I forgot.  _ I sat still for a moment, watching as Brad pulled out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich along with some grapes.

“Bro, aren’t you gonna’ take out your lunch?” Brad asked, one eyebrow raised quizzically.

“Well, I would if I brought a lunch. But I uh… Kinda forgot about it.” I could feel myself sheepishly smile.

Brads eyes furrowed in concern, his mouth turning downwards. “Do you wanna buy lunch? I know the food here is shit but you should eat at least  _ something _ .”

I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks as embarrassment settled in. “I don’t have any money in my school account.” 

“Shit, sorry Chester… I’d buy you lunch, but I don’t have any money in my lunch account either since I never buy food from the cafeteria. I don’t have any cash either…” He bit his lip, thinking for a moment. “Here, I’ll give you half my sandwich and some of my grapes. Your skinny enough as it is, I can’t let you get any skinnier!” Brad quickly gave me half his sandwich and a bundle of grapes.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to eat all your food.” _ I feel sort of guilty _

Brad rolled his eyes, before shoving the food into my hand. I mumbled a quick thanks, before we settled into a small bout of silence.

“So you’re still short on money, huh?” Brad inquired. I simply gave a small nod. “How are things at home? You still don’t have a phone, and I was gone all summer with my grandma, so I couldn’t really go knocking on your door to check on you.”

I immediately felt my stomach twist and turn. “Things are alright. It’s just a little tough right now since my dad still can’t find a new job. But we’re getting by. We have a lot of savings, luckily. We just try to use them sparingly.”  _ God, I’m such a liar. We don’t have many savings left, and what ones we do have feed my dad’s alcohol addiction. _

Brad seemed to relax a little after hearing that. “Well, I hope he finds one soon.”

“Me too. Anyways, how was staying with your grandma?”  _ Change the subject while you can. _

“She’s doing good! It’s always great to stay with her since I get to eat all her homemade latkes for breakfast.”

“I can also see that your grandma made you cut your hair real short.” I joked. “You should grow it out!”

Brad fiddled with his short hair. “You think so? I’d probably look dumb. My hair is so curly that It’d be an afro.”

“Even better! That’d make you look like mother fucking Bob Ross, Man!!”

We both started giggling as the conversation continued on in a playful tone, the talk about my home life long forgotten.

* * *

The rest of the school day was a blur, and by the end of it my energy was completely drained.  _ God, I’m so tired. Can’t wait to get out of this place, it can be so suffocating. _ I slowly dragged myself up the porch steps and shoved my key into the lock. After a few tries of wiggling it around, the old door finally opened and I stepped inside. 

I dropped my backpack by the steps, and made my way into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I was stopped in my tracks when I saw my father sitting at the table, beer in hand. I took in a sharp intake of breath, but found myself planted to the floor unable to move. _ He’s probably still drunk. Do I just leave? _

He peered up at me, bags under his eyes. “I see you’re home. Welcome back.” His voice was scratchy, and eerily silent. His hands tightened around his bottle and his shoulders bunched up. “I’m sorry about this morning.” 

My eyes widened in surprise. _ He’s sorry? _ I tried to move towards him, but I was still frozen in place. I could imagine the stink of alcohol on his breath, and it made me tense up. I felt my shoulder ache once again. 

After a few seconds had passed, still unable to say anything, I heard the loud bang of my father slamming down the bottle on the table. 

“Goddman it Chester! There you go again! Always fucking _ Judging  _ me!” His eyes blazed, and my pulse rushed. “Fucking piece of shit. You’re gonna’ end up just like me, someday. You haven't found your soulmate yet either. So don’t you go on judging me!.” 

His voice cracked, and he looked downward. 

“You’re going to stay with me in this shithole situation. That’s right.” I watched as his shoulders started to quiver, before he whispered one last thing, barely audible. “And then I won’t be alone.” 

I stood there, anxiety pulsing through my veins, and the weight of the world on my shoulders. There he was, my father, a complete and utter mess. Drunk out of his mind, and with a frown so deep I’m sure it would leave permanent wrinkles.

School may be tiring, and stressful. Sometimes it was even painful. But it was a million times better than this place. I was naive to think home wouldn’t be worse.

Anyplace is better than standing here, watching my father fall apart in my own home.

And I’m sure that it’s only a matter of time before I’m doing the same exact thing along with him.

**Authors note: Yes! I am alive! I am terribly sorry that I took so long to get this chapter out. I was really busy with my first semester in college, and I wasn’t in a very good headspace. Luckily, I am feeling better! I hope I will be able to update this story in my second semester as well.**

**On a side note- I totally forgot to post this chapter on archive! I did post it on LPfiction, but not here. Sorry about that!**

**Until next time!!**


	4. Glittering Gold

_ There’s only one more minute, Mike. One more minute until the school day is over. _ It was the last class of the day, and I could feel the anticipation bouncing around in my chest.  _ Man, I can’t wait to get home. Maybe take a nap, paint a little bit… _ My thoughts wandered, and I unconsciously started to tap my pencil upon my notebook. 

Normally I wouldn’t be so eager to go home, I found that I was normally rather content with school. But first days were always tough, and it would take a while to get back into the swing of things. The school day had been long, and I was honestly dreading when my classes would start to really pick up.  _ Particularly my Calculus and Anatomy classes... _ Science really wasn’t my strong suit, and although I was rather okay at math, I sure as hell didn’t enjoy it. Luckily, I had managed to fit a Drawing/Painting class into my schedule, which I was grateful for.  _ At least I have one fun class. Joe is in it too! _

I looked to my right where Joe was sitting next to me, looking rather bored. Oddly enough, we shared lunch and multiple classes together, including this particular class, Health.  _ I’m glad that English and lunch are the only times Rob is with us, though. Rob is really sweet, almost too sweet, but I really don’t want to watch him and Joe be all over each other. Yuck. _

I recalled lunch with Joe and Rob, and couldn’t help but shiver a bit when I remembered how the two of them kissed.  _ If it were a guy and a girl I’d probably be fine with it, but… _

_ ... Obviously both are male. _

I couldn’t help but feel a tad guilty.  _ It’s not like they chose who their soulmate would be.... And the two of them are nice. _

_ I’m sure I can just suck it up. This is a new town, and it’s good to make friends. _

A thought struck me, and I could feel my chest twist up.  _ But what if I were to invite them over? Sure my mom would be okay with it, but if my dad found out I had two gay friends… _

I didn’t even want to think about what he would do.

A loud bell snapped me back to reality and I quickly packed my supplies back into my backpack.  _ Finally, the school day is over!!! _ I looked over to Joe, who was already out of his seat and bouncing on the back of his heels impatiently. 

“C’mon dude, we need to bust a move.” Joe exclaimed, the rest of the students shuffling out of the bathroom.

“We do?” I looked up at Joe as I finally got out of my seat.

I watched as Joe rolled his eyes. “Yea dude, I drove here and I usually drop Rob off at his job since he can’t drive. I don’t want to make him late…” Joe let out a soft chuckle. “Did you drive here?”

“No, I just walked. We live in the same area, remember? It’s real close so I figured I’d save gas and just walk to school.” 

Joe let out a small smile. “Bro, why don’t you just ride with me and Rob? I can drop you off after I drop Rob off, and that won’t take long!” 

I thought about it for a moment before I quickly agreed with a quick nod of the head and we were out the door.

“I’ll meet you at the west entrance!” Joe yelled behind his back before going his separate way to find his locker. He was gone before I could even reply.

* * *

Getting back to my locker to pick up the rest of my school supplies shouldn’t have been hard, but the amount of students in the hallway made it difficult to get there without accidentally getting shoved.  _ The amount of people in this school is insane, these hallways are way too crowded... _

After many apologies from people I accidentally bumped into, I finally found my way to the west entrance and spotted Joe and Rob. Joe gave a large wave, whilst Rob smiled. 

“Glad you could make it.” Joe teased as we walked out the door and into the large parking lot. The large amount of cars trying to leave through the single lane exit gave me a small twinge of nervousness. Lord knows how many minor accidents students got into while in this parking lot, especially considering how impatient they all are. 

“Is it always this busy in the parking lot?” I inquired as we finally reached Joes rather old and ugly Tahoe. The car was large and square, and the color of a dark sage. 

“Yea, it’s like a circus out here.” Joe replied as he unlocked the car. I pulled open the door and cautiously got in. Rob was already in the front seat with his seatbelt on. It wasn’t long before the car was on its way through the town. We sat in a comfortable silence before Rob inquired about the rest of Joes schedule.

Joe let out a rather hefty sigh. “I like most of it, but I’m taking two gym classes which really sucks to be honest.” 

Rob gave him a look of sympathy. “So you finally decided to get your two gym credits done, huh? I told you that you should have done it in your earlier years!”

“Yea but you know I hate gym. It’s no fun, especially since I’m out of shape.”

“Joe, highschool gym really isn’t that hard. The hardest thing you’ll do is run laps, the rest is just fun and games. Volleyball and stuff.” 

Rob really was a sweet dude. I couldn’t help but chuckle when I heard Joe’s loud groan when running laps was mentioned.  _ I guess Joe really hates athletics. _

_ Wait, if Joe hates gym so much, why is he taking two gym classes? _

“Joe, how come you are taking two gym classes then? Wouldn’t one be enough?” I asked, rather puzzled.

“I wish I could only take one!” Joe exclaimed. “But to graduate you need to take at least two gym credits. Total baloni if you ask me.”

I felt my heart give a small lurch.  _ Two gym credits? But I’m only taking one gym class. I always avoided gym until now since I’m not particularly athletic… _ “Joe, I only have one gym class…”

“Oh, shit.”

Rob peered behind his seat, a worried look etched on his face. “That’s not good…” He scratched his chin in thought. “We can get it changed though! We can all go to the counseling office and see if they will be able to switch one of your classes for a gym one. We should have time during lunch tomorrow.”

I felt slightly more relieved, yet my chest still felt tight.  _ I don’t know what class I could switch out… I only had two classes in my schedule that weren’t required for graduation; Drawing/Painting, and then the Sociology class my dad forced me to take. It’d kill me to switch my art class out. I could switch out the Sociology class, but I doubt my dad will allow it… _

The rest of the car ride was a blur, as nerves raced through my system. I almost forgot to wave goodbye to Rob by the time we got to the fast food place he worked at. It wasn’t long before we had reached the neighborhood, and Joe’s voice cut into my mind.

“Which house is yours?” Joe asked, making me jump and the suddenness of it.

“The one with the oak tree and flowers at the corner.”

Joe nodded and parked in front of the house. I could see my mother in the front lawn, digging through an empty spot in the flower beds with a small garden shovel.  _ I wonder what she’s doing? _

“Alright, I’ll see you later Joe. Thanks for dropping me off!” I grabbed my bag and got out the car.

Joe gave a small nod. “No problem Mike. And I can tell you’re wondering about the gym credits. Don’t worry about it so much! I’m sure it’ll work out.” Joe waved before driving off.

“Who was that?” A chipper voice sounded from behind me. I turned around to find my mother smiling wide, her gardening gloves covered in mud and dirt. 

“That was a friend I made. His name’s Joe. He was just dropping me off.”

I watched as my mothers eyes practically sparkled. “Oh I’m so proud, hunny! It took you so long to make friends at your previous school. I was so worried you wouldn’t find any friends until Anna came along.” 

I was sure my cheeks were pink with embarrassment. “Wow, thanks mom.”  _ She’s right though… _

She let out a soft sigh before giving me a large hug. “I know, I’m embarrassing! But that’s what mothers do- embarrass their child.”

“Mom, I’m 17 you don’t have to hug me whenever I make a new friend.”  _ I love her but sometimes she really can be a little much… _

She finally let me go and pat me on the shoulder. “I know, I know… I just-” she stopped for a moment.

I furrowed my eyebrows, searching her face for any answers as to why she stopped talking. “You just what?”

“Nothing, it’s just I accidentally got mud on your shirt.” She looked at me sheepishly. “Sorry about that! I was planting these new daffodils I got at this adorable little flower shop in town. I didn’t mean to get mud on you!”

“It’s okay mom, I can go in and change into a new shirt. I’ll just head inside. I need to text Anna anyways- she wants to know how the school day went.”

“Alright, but you better tell me how your day went later, okay?”

“I will!” I hurried inside and quickly took off my shoes before rushing up the stairs.  _ home sweet home. _

I felt much more at ease alone in my room, finally away from all the busy bodying at school. After digging through my drawers, I found a simple black T-shirt. 

I quickly slipped off the muddy shirt I had on and threw it into the dirty clothes hamper. I was about to put on the new shirt when something on my hip caught my eye.

My soulmark, which was once an inky black color, was now glittering softly, a golden glow illuminating the skin. My heart thumped wildly, and it was practically singing with joy. I almost felt tears of glee form in my eyes.

_ My soulmate… I must have met My soulmate! I must have run into her at school! _ I’d never smiled so wide before in my life. The mark glittered so beautifully, I was in a trance just gazing at it.

The question is… _ Who is my soulmate? I must have touched her, or bumped into her at some point… _ I wracked my brain for anybody that I may have touched during the day.  _ The only people that I know I touched was Rob and Joe. But it obviously can’t be them. I know I bumped into the boy from English… What was his name again? Chester? But he’s a boy, so it can’t be him. _

_ Oh! It must have been in the hallways! I bumped into countless people walking to and from classes, it must have been then! _

I sat down on my bed, my mind and heart racing, and veins pulsing with utter happiness and excitement. I stared more at the mark, unable to take my eyes away from its enchanting luminous glow.

I had found my soulmate, and I couldn’t wait to finally go back to school and look for her.  _ I’m sure that she is just as wonderful, if not more so, than anything I could even imagine. _

Thoughts of my glittering gold mark sifted through my mind, and I felt completely free.

  
  


**YAY I actually updated! I feel like I’m taking this story way too slow, but I do hope you guys stick around! I have been feeling much better lately, so hopefully my updates will be quicker now! :) I feel like this chapter is a little short, but it’s an important one nonetheless.**

**Thank you so much to those who are reading! I hope you stick around for the next chapter <3**

  
  



	5. Freedom

It had taken a few minutes, but my father had finally left the kitchen, his lips tightly closed. I watched him as he staggered to the living room, beer still in hand, and flopped down on the old ratty sofa. The sound of the television rattled the inside of my ears, but all I could do was stand there, still unable to move.  _ Did I just watch my father have a small mental breakdown? These past several months he’s been a mess, but I have never heard him speak like that. He seemed like he was going to cry. _

I looked at the empty kitchen chair, yet I could still vividly remember him yelling, eyes wrought with pain.  _ Maybe he was right. Maybe I won’t find my soulmate… _ The squeeze in my chest at that thought was painful.  _ Or maybe my father is an asshole _ .

Letting out a large sigh, I willed myself to move.  _ I should find something to eat. _ My stomach rumbled in agreement. Half a sandwich and a few grapes really isn’t enough to fill someone up.

I turned to the kitchen fridge, slowly opening the door. As I looked through its contents, I found myself rather disappointed.  _ Shit, I forgot I ate the last of the fruit a few days ago. _ I crouched down to see what was left.  _ Strawberry jam, old parsley, milk, pickles, lots of beer…. So essentially nothing. Great. When was the last time we even went shopping? _

I stood up and closed the fridge.  _ I doubt there’s anything good in the freezer, but it can’t hurt to check. _ I yanked open the freezer door, the cold wafting out and tickling my cheeks. Peering inside, there still wasn’t much besides frozen peas and some tupperware.  _ I wonder what’s in the tupperware… _ I reached in and grabbed the first one in sight. It was small, but I could see something frozen inside. There was a piece of masking tape on the lid, cursive writing on it in black marker.

_ ’Leftover butternut squash soup’ _

My eyes widened as I read it.  _ My mom made that all the time… This must have been leftovers from before she left… _ I peered behind me and into the living room.  _ Does he know we still have this? Would he be mad if I ate it? _ I watched as he blankly stared at the T.V.  _ Whatever. He can suck my dick. If I wanna enjoy my moms food, I can damn well do so. _ My heart ached at the thought of her.

It had only been about six months since my mother had left. It was a normal day, like any other. She had gone to work her shift at the local supermarket, when she had met her soulmate. Her  _ real _ soulmate. Not my father.

My mother and father had met in highschool, and stayed as friends for the next several years. My father had gone to college, while my mother had somehow found herself with a deadend job, never going to college herself. It was during that time that the two had gotten drunk at a party, and ended up having unprotected sex. Nine months later, after my father had graduated with a degree in business, I was born.

I was a mistake.

The two of them weren’t soulmates, yet there they were, already with a family. My father said they should marry, to better support me. My mother agreed. Looking back now, I can see that my father had loved her. He always smiled when she walked in the room, would give her a kiss everyday before he left for work. She was his world. He loved her, even though she had never managed to find a job above the minimum wage. He loved her even when she got mixed with the wrong people. He still loved her even after she came home one day, high as a kite off methamphetamine.

I don’t remember much from when she had a drug addiction. It was around when I was six. My mother had reached a low in her life. She had trouble helping pay the bills, and didn’t have time to go to college, she had a kid to care for. Depressed, and done with her life, she had turned to drugs.

Despite that, my father still loved her, and was there for her when she became sober.

Yet I knew, that even though my father had loved her, she didn’t love him back. She tried, she really did. She wanted to make him happy. She wanted  _ me _ to be happy. So she tried to be the best wife and mother she could. But she had met her soulmate. The one person, in the whole wide world, who could make her feel complete. He was a man from London, and was in the city for a business trip. The two had met at a crosswalk. My mother was filled with joy.

The issue was, she was a married woman with a minimum wage job, who already had a kid.

She came home that day, and told my father what had happened. I remember the way she cried. She had felt so horrible, asking this man who had shown her nothing but love, for a divorce. She wanted to be with her soulmate, and understandably so.

A huge fight had occurred, but my father knew he couldn’t keep her hostage.

It wasn’t long before they were divorced. My mother had wanted split custody. She said that she wanted to see her son. But her soulmate was unable to move from London, due to his job. She had tried to reason that I could stay with her in London over the summer, but my father didn’t want me to leave.

Sometimes, I really despise my father. I despise him for refusing to split custody, and using her past drug addiction as a way to win me over in court. I ended up being in his full custody, and my mother was soon gone, far away in London.

She had promised that she would keep in touch. Yet the day she left, my father had gotten rid of all the home phones, and confiscated my own cell phone.  _ ’Can’t have you contacting that traitor’ _ . He had said. And that was that. The only phone left in the house was his own cell phone, and I doubted that he would ever let me touch it.

Two months after that, he had gone into work drunk and gotten himself fired.

_ I hate him. I hate my father. He won’t even let me keep in touch with my own mother. _ I stared at the soup in my hands. I could imagine the way it would taste, and I felt homesick.  _ I’m in my own home, yet I’m homesick… _

I shut the freezer door, and brought the frozen soup to the microwave. I watched the tupperware spin round and round as it was being heated up.  _ Has my mother even tried to contact me, though? _ I found myself asking.  _ Yea, she can’t call, but surely she could have tried to send a letter… hell, I’m sure her soulmate has enough money that would allow her to come visit. Maybe she doesn’t want to see me anymore… Maybe she wanted to leave me this entire time… _

A soft ding from the microwave snapped me back to reality. I quickly opened it up and pulled out the soup.  _ I’ll just leave it in the container. _ I grabbed a spoon from one of the drawers and sat myself at the kitchen table. The mail from this morning was still piled up, untouched. I reached over and grabbed the one on top, and the bright red letters on the front of it stared at me.

_ 'PAST DUE’ _

My nerves skyrocketed.  _ Why hadn’t I noticed this before? Are we behind on bills? _ Thoughts started to run through my mind.  _ Will we lose power? Or is it something more serious? Are we gonna get evicted? Will there be a foreclosure? _ My heart was beating furiously as I thought about all of the devastating possibilities as to what this could mean. I looked over to the living room, where my father sat. He was asleep.

_ I don’t want to get in trouble, maybe I shouldn’t bug him… I’ll ask him another day. _ I put the letter back onto the pile, and turned my attention back to the soup. As I took the first bite, memories of my mother flooded my mind. Her soft smile, and loving embrace. The silly jokes that she could crack on a whim. The way she was always there for me.

It took all my willpower to ignore the tears flooding down my cheeks.

* * *

After I had finished the soup, I had quickly cleaned out the tupperware and then found my way up to my room, where I then stayed for the remainder of the day. The room itself was somewhat bland. I had a couple Stone Temple Pilots posters plastered upon the white walls, but other than that, there wasn’t much. I buried my face into my black bedsheets and ground. I really didn’t want to move.  _ If only I could stay in my bed for the remainder of my life. Just lay here until I waste away. _ But I knew I couldn’t do that. It was getting late, and I needed to shower.

I slowly lifted myself up off the bed. Walking to my drawers, I pulled out a clean pair of black boxer briefs and dragged myself out my room and into the bathroom that was down the hall. The door creaked open as I walked in, grating on my ears. I took out my contact lenses, as well as my lip piercing, cleaning it with antibacterial spray. I turned on the shower, giving it time to heat up before I quickly started to shed my clothes.  _ Man, I need new clothes too. I’ve had these forever and they are really starting to look sort of ratty… _ I remembered the letter from earlier, the words ‘Past due’ still stuck in my head.  _ Looks like I won’t be getting any new clothes soon. Maybe if I get a job.... _

After I had finished changing, I checked the water, feeling that it was now warm. I was about to step in when I took a look at my soulmark.

I paused.

I blinked several times.

_ Maybe I’m seeing this wrong, I mean I don’t have my contacts in… _

I rubbed my eyes, before I glanced back at my inner thigh where my soulmark resided.

_ Holy shit. My soulmark… _

“My soulmark is gold?!” I exclaimed, somewhat loudly to myself. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. There it was, in all its glory, glowing and sparkling. It was dazzling. I could feel tears in my eyes starting to well up, as complete relief washed over me like a cool wave.

_ Me! Me of all people. I have an actual soulmate! Somebody who will love me. Truly love me! _ It was as if all the weight I had been carrying around before had simply disappeared.  _ He was wrong. My father was wrong! Maybe I won’t end up like him. _

The tears were overflowing, and I let out a rather loud sob. Every tear I wiped away, it was as if a new one would just reappear. They just wouldn’t stop falling. But upon my face was one of the biggest grins I had sported in a  _ long _ while.

I felt free.

~~~

I had finally changed my shirt, and sent off a text to Anna telling her about what had happened.  _ I can’t believe I found my soulmate!! She’s going to be amazing! _

I rushed down the stairs, and almost ran into my mom, who had finally finished gardening, and was covered in a small amount of dirt.

“Michael? Hun, what are you doing? You’re running around like a maniac.”

I gave a huge smile, before I lifted up the side of my shirt and showed her my soulmark. “It’s gold! I met my soulmate today, and I didn’t even know until now!”

My mothers eyes grew to the size of saucers, her mouth agape. “Well I’ll be damned!” Her own smile was as wide as could be. “I’m so proud of you honey! I’d give you a hug, but I don’t want to get you dirty again!”

“Isn’t it great?!”

“Why I don’t think I have  _ ever _ seen you so excited! I say this calls for a celebration. What do you say we order a cake, and I’ll make your grandmas okonomiyaki recipe, since I know that’s your favorite.”

“Really? Thanks mom! And yea, I don’t think I’ve seen myself this excited before either!” I still felt giddy from the big revelation.

“I’ll call your father right now and tell him the big news, and then I’ll head to the market to get the ingredients. I’ve been planning to check it out anyways.” She plopped a large kiss on my forehead. She looked so happy that I just didn’t have the heart to tell her to stop doing that. Hell, I was so happy that I just didn’t care.

* * *

I spent the remainder of the day painting in my room, using bright reds and purples. By the time my father had arrived home from work, dinner was practically ready. I set down my paintbrush in a glass of water and rushed to the bathroom to wash my hands. I bounded down the stairs to see my father carrying a large box, and he adorned a small smile on his face.

“There’s the lucky guy. I picked up a chocolate cake, as per your mothers wishes.” My father stated. Even he was happy, his mood lifted considerably compared to this morning. I watched as he set the box down on the table, before he turned and faced me. “Well? Are you going to show me your soulmark?”

I showed him my hip where the mark resided, and I could barely lift my eyes away from it. “Isn’t it so cool?”

“Sure is. I’m proud of you, son.” My smile got even wider at that statement.

My mother called from the dining room, letting us know everything was ready.

We all found ourselves seated, and I couldn’t take my eyes off the food my mother had made. “Mom, you really didn’t have to do this. With this amount of food, you could probably feed a whole army!”

She let out a huff. “My son just found his soulmate! Of course I’m going to make him a nice dinner! Did you call your brother and let him know?”

_ I hadn’t even thought about that… _ “No… I forgot. He’s probably busy with college and stuff anyways.”

“Well make sure to call him!”

“I will.” I took a bite of the okonomiyaki, and closed my eyes at the taste.  _ So good… _

“Did you see what she looks like?” My father piped in, a smile still on his face.

“No… I think I bumped into her in the halls or something. They’re hella’ cramped during passing period.”

“Watch your profanity.” My father stated bluntly. “And that’s a shame. Hopefully you’ll find her tomorrow.”

“Sorry.” I apologized.  _ Bitch _ . “And yea, I hope I find her too…”

The conversation continued, slowly moving on to the subject of school.

“Do your classes look alright so far?” My father inquired.

“Yea! So far they’re good. But…” I paused.  _ There’s the whole gym issue… _ “But I have to drop sociology. I need to take two gym classes to graduate apparently.”

“Why sociology?” My father asked, eyebrow raised. “It’d be more beneficial for you to drop the art class of yours. It’s practically useless.”

“I agree.” My mother piped in. “I know you really like art, but it’s not something that’s super… career friendly.”

_ Says the stay at home mom without a job. _ I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “Sociology isn’t super important either.”

“I’m not a fan of it either, son. I would have preferred you took business, or statistics. You’re lucky that your mother convinced me to pick sociology, since we know that you hate math. But It’s still more useful than that art bogus.” I could feel my fathers eyes staring at me, waiting for a reply.

“Hun, you’ll like sociology! It’s not too mathy, but it’s useful. And  _ I _ , unlike your father, think that it’s very interesting! Plus, you have all those paint supplies here at home. Why don’t you just keep it as a hobby?” My mother gave me a soft smile.

I desperately wanted to say no. To say ‘Fuck you’ and just take the art class. But I just couldn’t bring it in myself. I couldn’t ruin the good mood we had going on.  _ Dad said he was proud of me. I don’t want to ruin that. _

“Fine. I’ll drop the art class.”  _ I wish I could lie, and say I was taking sociology but take art anyways. But they can check all my classes and grades online. They’d catch on real quick. _

“Glad that you’re finally starting to wisen' up.” My father approved. “Did you get those boxes unpacked like I asked this morning?”

_ Shit. _ “No.”

He let out a disappointed sigh. “I suppose I’ll let you off this once since it was an eventful day. Get it done tomorrow.”

_ Great. I probably just ruined his good mood.  _

“Okay.”

“How about I go get us some cake?” My mother asked, getting up from the table and clearing away the dishes.

“Let me help out, mom.”

She let out a small laugh. “No way, you’re supposed to be celebrating! You stay here and hang out with your father.”

I let out a strained smile. My father and I sat in an awkward silence. When my mother came back with the cake, I just wanted to leave the table and get away.

I felt my fathers gaze.  _ Scrutinizing me, I’m sure _ . The first bite of cake felt bitter, under my fathers eyes. I couldn’t help but feel trapped under it’s pressure.


End file.
